


Welcome Home

by lullabelle_moon



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Angst, Hurt and comfort, M/M, Mentions of Suicide, Panic Attack, References to Child Abuse, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-05
Updated: 2017-04-05
Packaged: 2018-10-15 05:22:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10550760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lullabelle_moon/pseuds/lullabelle_moon
Summary: During the party, Aaron has a panic attack. Robert makes him open up.





	

He'd never be able to pinpoint the moment it started; just that it came on quickly, the room around him growing muffled. The air thick, like wading through treacle when he tried in vain to get breath in. He knew then he must be in a dream. He pulled at his tie; the voices around him becoming white noise; the only thing grounding him, his own nails digging into the flesh of his palm as he tried to wake himself. It didn't work, his chest was heaving; struggling for air. He had to leave, had to find a way out of the nightmare as the faces around him began to change, to alter, to become them. He pulled away from them, focusing his energy on walking, one foot in front of the other, faster and faster until he was running. He made it out; into the car park and against the brick wall as he gasped for breath, his ears filled with the rushing sound of his own blood. His throat closed as he tried to gulp down oxygen, skin prickling with sweat and eyes hurting until he had to shut them tight.   
"Aaron?"  
They found him. He couldn't run far enough, couldn't escape. He clutched his chest, pain ripping through him with each futile attempt to calm himself,  
"Aaron?"  
Fear took over, Jason was close, he was certain, it was going to be him again and he was going to beat him, gonna make him pay. He could hear him, taunting him, his voice harsh in his ear; telling him how worthless he was, how he deserved everything coming to him. Over and over until it was screaming in his ears, making him feel sick, making him sweat and shake until he couldn't take it anymore.   
"Stop it. Stop it. Stop it."  
He wanted to run but couldn't move, his legs heavy, as though made from lead. He pulled at his tie again, ripping the button at the top of his shirt as he tried to stop the strangling feeling he was experiencing. The world around him shifted, he didn't know where he was, he wanted his cell, the safety of the bed in the night where he knew they couldn't get him.  
"Aaron."  
He balled his fist and pushed it against his forehead,  
"Shut up. Shut up!"  
They were getting closer, the world growing dark, he knew they would've angry, that they would make him feel it. He could hear them, more than them he could hear him. Gordon. The reason he was like this. He lurched forward, air becoming thinner as he tried to breath,  
"No one wants you."  
His dad's voice gripped him with fear,  
"You deserve this."  
He swung as soon as the hand touched his shoulder, spinning around and punching as hard as he could. The man went down; Aaron went with him, straddling him and punching him over and over, his smug smile looking up at him as Aaron growled in anger, hate replacing the fear that filled his body. He put his hands around the man's throat, pressing hard; the man's face changing from pale to red as his air supply ran out. Hands scrabbled at Aaron, his brain clearing, the fog lifting, and horror filling his body as the man's face came into focus and he saw who it was,  
"Robert!"  
Aaron let go; stumbling back onto the floor as Robert rolled over and gasped for breath, retching and coughing as he desperately tried to get oxygen into his lungs.  
"Robert?"  
He lifted a hand to Aaron, climbing to his knees and turning to him; immediately moving over and taking him into his arms. Aaron felt sick; his stomach churning as the realisation of what he'd almost done set in. He clung to him; breaking into a sob as Robert wheezed,  
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry."  
Robert squeezed his eyes shut, ignoring the pain from the cuts on his face, the taste of blood on his tongue. His ears were ringing but all that mattered was Aaron, was calming him down, was making sure he was okay.   
"It's okay. It's okay."  
Each word hurt, his split lip sending blood down his chin. He pulled back, cupping Aaron's face,  
"Look at me."  
Aaron's eyes were wide with panic, red and filled with the tears that weren't already down his cheeks,  
"Just breathe with me okay?"  
Roberts voice was rough, hurting when he spoke,  
"In and out...there you go. You're safe. You're safe."  
Aaron reached for him; shaking as he wrapped his arms around his neck and held tight as he sobbed.

"Do you wanna go back inside?"  
Each word stung as the cut reopened on his lip. They'd been sitting on the floor for nearly half an hour as Aaron calmed down.  
"No."  
He looked at Robert; a fresh wave of nausea inducing guilt coming over him as he took in his broken face,  
"I'm sorry."  
Robert looked at him, one eye beginning to close as it swelled.  
"It's okay. Bruises suit me so..."  
He was smirking, an attempt to inject humour into the situation. Aaron didn't respond, he wiped away the fresh tear that dripped down his cheek and pulled his knees toward his chest,  
"I thought you were someone else."  
Robert edged even closer to him, putting his arm around him and kissing his head; only to wince in pain and pull away; pressing a finger gingerly to his lip and checking to see if it was bleeding again.  
"I'm so sorry."  
Robert looked at him for a long moment, the joy of just having him home fading away as he took him in properly.   
"Aaron?"  
Aaron looked over at him, sniffing and meeting his eye only for a second before looking away again. Robert was immediately taken back; back to a dimly lit living room, a broken man on the sofa as he described the horror he'd had to live through. Robert swallowed hard, blinking to keep the tears that pressed hotly against his eyes at bay,  
"Talk to me?"  
Aaron looked at him again then glanced around,  
"Not here."  
Robert thought for a moment then stood up, holding his hand out and helping the man to his feet,  
"We'll go to the house."  
Aaron nodded, wiping his nose on his sleeve and wrapping his arms around himself as he followed Robert from the car park and toward their home.

Aaron looked around, sat on a wooden chair in a near empty kitchen.  
"Place looks good."  
Robert searched the drawers for a tea towel, grabbing a few sheets of kitchen roll instead and running them under the tap,  
"When did we get water?"  
Robert scrunched the sheets into a ball and pressed it against his lip,  
"Uh..."  
He pulled it away and checked it,  
"Yesterday. No...no Monday."  
He put the towels to his face again and sat down opposite Aaron.  
"You gonna talk now?"  
Aaron looked around,  
"Everything finished now?"  
Robert flicked his eyes over the man,  
"Nearly. Few more bits left."  
Aaron nodded,  
"We could move in soon then. Maybe-"  
"Aaron? Come on."  
Aaron twisted his hands together as stared at them,  
"I'm sorry."  
Robert frowned,  
"You have nothing to apologise for."  
Aaron scoffed,  
"I could've killed you."  
"Yeah but you didn't. Come on...I'm Robert Sugden. Couple of punches aren't gonna put me in the ground."  
He smirked as best he could around a swollen lip. Aaron met his eye then huffed as he pushed away from the table,  
"It's not funny."  
He rubbed his mouth with the back of his hand,  
"I thought you were..."  
He looked at Robert and shook his head,  
"Doesn't matter."  
He stepped away and Robert stood up,  
"Aaron...stop. Just...talk to me."  
He walked over and grabbed the man's arm,  
"Hey? You can tell me anything."  
He met Robert's eye as he cupped the back of his head,  
"You're safe here. It's just me."  
Aaron swallowed, his vision blurring as he built himself up to speak,  
"Aaron...I love you. Please just...talk to me."  
Aaron exhaled slowly,  
"I...I lied to you."  
Robert raised his eyebrows,  
"You lied? About what?"  
He shrugged, wishing he could hide away, be anywhere else.  
"About prison. About...what happened."  
Robert moved his hand, taking Aaron's in his,  
"What happened?"  
Aaron swallowed hard,  
"They uh..."  
He pulled away and he rubbed his face,  
"They knew who I was. In there."  
He moved, sitting heavily on a chair as Robert watched him,  
"They knew? What that you're a Dingle? Not too hard considering you gave your name and all."  
He looked up at him,  
"That I was Livesy."  
Robert moved, sitting beside him again as Aaron took a shaky breath,  
"This lad was there...he remembered me from another stint. I tried to...shrug it off. Tell 'em my name is Dingle. But he knew."  
He looked down,  
"Jason found out...this other lad."  
Robert shifted in his seat,  
"The skin head who couldn't stop staring?"  
Aaron nodded and Robert cleared his throat, anger building inside him,  
"So what did he do?"  
Aaron chewed his lip,  
"He hurt me."  
Robert frowned,  
"Hurt you...how?"  
He looked up, meeting his husbands eye,  
"Beat me up. Him and his...mates."  
He closed his eyes, his breathing coming quick and heavy as his memories kicked in. He shook his head, the world going quiet again, his nails digging in to his hand until Robert rubbed his arm,  
"Hey? Hey it's okay."  
He opened his eyes, tears spilling down his cheeks,  
"They took me to this cell. Shoved me in."  
His voice cracked and he sniffed hard,  
"It were his. His cell."  
Robert frowned,  
"Jason's?"  
He shook his head,  
"No."  
He let out a sob,  
"It was Gordon's."  
Roberts eyes went wide,  
"I didn't...I didn't even realise that was..."  
He rubbed his face,  
"That monster took you there?"  
Aaron let out a shuddering breath,  
"He-he told me that it was him. That he was the one that made him top himself."  
He wiped his eyes,  
"He wanted me to do the same. And I wanted to. In that moment I wanted to end it all. I wanted to die."  
He gasped another sob,  
"I wanted to just..."  
He spluttered as he burst into tears again, taking a few moments before speaking again,  
"They left me in there. Just...shut the door and left me where he died."  
He stepped away as Robert reached for him,  
"I can't..."  
He sat heavily on one of the chairs; put his head in his hands and began to cry.

Robert put the tea in front of him and cleared his throat,  
"Sorry there's no milk. Slight....lack of fridge."  
Aaron shrugged,  
"Doesn't matter."  
He looked up at him,  
"Ta."  
Robert sat down and took a moment before speaking,  
"You could've told me."  
Aaron looked at him,  
"How? I had...minutes with you. How was I meant to sit there and tell you that they all thought I was queer cos I enjoyed what he did to me? You had so much to worry about already...I couldn't do it to you. I couldn't tell you that I was scared every single second. That I didn't dare turn my back on anyone incase they shoved a knife in me."  
Robert felt sick. He reached out for Aaron only to have him wave him away and clamber to his feet. He paced the room for a bit then stopped,  
"Sorry."  
Robert held his hand up,  
"It's fine."  
Aaron tipped his head back and let out a long breath,  
"I thought I was done with it. The being scared, all the time."  
He looked at Robert,  
"I couldn't take it. The only time I could was-"  
"When you were on the drugs?"  
Aaron looked at him,  
"I didn't know what else to do. I couldn't...cope. I couldn't even fight back. All I wanted was to come home to you and I just...I just couldn't do it."  
He shrugged,  
"The drugs helped. They shut the world out. Made everything...easier. It was that or a blade."  
His face crumbled as he tried to keep from crying,  
"It was the only thing keeping me alive."  
Robert jumped to his feet, pulling him in to a hug,  
"No. No I don't deserve it. I don't deserve it."  
Robert held him tighter,  
"Shh shh it's okay. It's okay."  
He buried his face into Aaron's neck, breathing in his smell and holding him tight until he calmed down.

Robert trailed his fingers slowly through Aaron's hair, his other arm wrapped around him as they lay on the bed.   
"You know you're safe now. Don't you? It's all over. He's not here."  
Aaron nodded,  
"I know."  
He paused a moment,  
"Doesn't help though."  
He held Robert closer,  
"Being with you helps."  
Robert kissed his head gently,  
"I'm not going anywhere."  
Aaron waited a moment,  
"Promise?"  
Robert stared up at the ceiling, wrapping his arms more tightly around the man,  
"I promise."


End file.
